Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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