this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
