You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am puke
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
