i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
