Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
