He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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