I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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