He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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