Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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