yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
