We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
