You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
