My nipple is on Facebook.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
