I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
