babies were throwing up all over the place
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
