I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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