Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
