There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
