Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
