i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
