Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
