You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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