I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
