We're facebook friends in real life
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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