So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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