I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
