Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't turn off my feet"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
