i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
