Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is the prime rib incident all over again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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