All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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