I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
