Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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