When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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