Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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