Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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