somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
