UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
