I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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