I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
