The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
