Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
