I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
