he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got inside last night via doggy door
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
