her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
