my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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