I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
