I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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