I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
