Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
