K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
