I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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