Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
